by Rik Mayall Interviews And Articles Archive Blog

For Smash Hits, 1986

“Listen you bunch of girly swats, Ethiopia which all the record’s this is Rick The Big Pop Star talking! I’ve just caught the last Freedom Moped out of Groovesville to tell you all about the stomach-churning, bottom-busting video we made to go with our world-shattering, record-breaking, train-stopping collaboration with The King Of Rock And Roll, Cliff ‘Devil Woman’ Richard!!! And let me tell you kids, it’s hard work walking the razor’s edge of fame, money, girls, and glamour, and still keeping your street cred with the ‘Big-Bottomed Vegetarians Against The Bomb’ student society! Anyway, for our ‘vid’ (as we in the ‘pop biz’ call these things), we caught a private jet to Sri Lanka with 750 pretty blooming sexy model girlies, and all ran around with leather underpants on our heads pretending we were Duran Duran! Then…”

“Er, sorry about this readers… hey Rick I don’t want to bring you down, right, but… er… what we actually did was stand in a bandstand in a park in Peckham for a day getting really cold, right, while Cliff did his bit in the studio, and…”

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!! Blooming Hippie! Anyway kids, Cliff was just so pleased that he’d finally got to work with me, ‘cos he’d been wanting to for ages, and… ”

“Ooh, Rick! You know he only did it for Comic Relief, the charity for Ethiopia which all the record’s profits are going to!”

“Yes yes, alright alright! Oh lookNeil, a pink and yellow cow is playing mandolin outside…”

“Oh really, where?” (THUD) “Ooh…”

“Right, kids! That’s got rid of him! Now let me tell you about…” (HUGE EXPLOSION)

“Brr-illiant! What a great sound effect, eh Rich? …Rick?

“Vyvian — I hate you.”